Aging together as a couple/partners can bring unique challenges, especially when each person’s needs differ. From deciding where to live to managing care requirements, finding the right solution for both individuals is essential. Here’s a guide to help couples navigate these decisions and avoid common pitfalls.
1. When One Partner Is Ready for Retirement Living, and the Other Prefers to Age at Home
It’s not uncommon for couples to have different preferences about retirement living. One partner may feel ready to transition into a community that provides support, while the other insists on staying in the family home.
How to navigate this:
- Open communication: Talk openly about each partner’s concerns, goals, and fears.
- Trial stays: Consider a short-term stay for the partner interested in retirement living, which can ease the transition and provide a clearer perspective for both.
- Compromise solutions: Explore flexible options like an independent apartment within a retirement community, which offers autonomy while addressing care needs if they arise.
- Temporary measures: Would the couple be open to living separately in the short term, if retirement was nearby? Though not a first choice, this separation may allow one partner to receive the care they need, and for the other to think clearly without the responsibility of caregiving.
Remember, both partners need to feel heard and supported in these decisions.
2. Why Staying Together Is Easier in Retirement Living Than in Long-Term Care
For couples who prioritize staying together, retirement living is often a better option than Long-Term Care (LTC). In the LTC system, each person is assessed individually, both need to be accepted to the waiting lists and usually, one person will move first. While families can apply for reunification, the waitlist is long, and many couples never see this happen.
Retirement living benefits:
- Shared suites: Couples can stay in the same unit and maintain their routine together. This is especially wonderful for couples who help their spouse remember things, or if one partner is more mobile than the other.
- Customizable care: Retirement homes offer services tailored to each partner’s needs, keeping couples together even if their care requirements differ.
Choosing retirement living early allows couples to remain connected while addressing their unique needs in a shared environment.
3. When Couples Need Different Levels of Care
One of the biggest concerns for aging couples is managing different care requirements. Retirement homes are well-equipped to handle this scenario.
How retirement homes manage it:
- Individual care plans: Each partner can receive a personalized care plan that suits their needs while still living together.
- Flexible care levels: Services like personal care, medication management, and assisted living support can be adjusted over time as needs evolve, if the home offers a la carte care options.
- Peace of mind: Couples can stay together in the same home, avoiding the stress of separation. We have had couples together in assisted living, with one partner receiving more care than the other, as well as couples together in secured memory care. We have also had couples opt for two suites in the same building, as that works best for some in some scenarios. There are all sorts of creative ways to keep couples together as long as possible.
By choosing a retirement community with diverse care options, couples can ensure they’ll have the support they need—together.
4. Good to Know: The Second Occupant Fee
For couples living in the same suite in a retirement residence, most communities charge a “second occupant fee” to cover costs like meals, utilities, and shared services for the second person.
- In Ottawa: This fee averages $800–$1000 per month in addition to the rent and care costs.
- Budgeting tips: Make sure to account for this additional expense when planning your move. Transparency about costs upfront will help avoid surprises later.
Aging as a couple doesn’t have to mean facing separation or compromise. By exploring retirement living options early, couples can maintain their connection, enjoy tailored care, and live comfortably together.
Need help finding the right fit for you and your partner?
Tea & Toast specializes in helping couples navigate retirement living options and ensuring their unique needs are met.
Click here to book a consultation. Let us guide you to a solution that works for both of you!
